The inner experience of truth

My thoughts inspired by the book "Drinking from the river of light" by Mark Nepo.

Looking back, I can now see that I was addicted to the hypnotic societal drug of “busyness” like most of us.

Filling my day with myriads of things, constantly doing instead of being.

I had to take a step back and observe that part of me. The part of me that wanted to be a perfectly functioning machine, 24/7, constantly proving to myself and others that “I am not lazy”.

How exhausting can that be?

Perhaps, it was just my roommate, this voice in my mind that most of the times, prefers to judge me rather just love me. Anyway, we are getting along much better now, no hard feelings.

I remember asking that part:

What are you doing for me?

What's your purpose? Your positive intention?

What will happen in my life if I let you go?

Why am I keeping you?

“You need me to hold the light” it responded “to feel accomplished and productive”

I was so afraid to be left alone in the dark. See me.

It was by thanking that part for its positive intention and accepting what it needs to express that I was able to find other ways to bring light to the darkness.

And I feel so grateful now for all the teachers I have found along the way, to hold my hand and keep the light on.

I would never have imagined that at some point, the “darkroom” would become my most favorite place, the one I would visit the most and the brightest of all.

“Now, I can see that this desire not to be alone in truth-seeking and truth-speaking is what made me want to be a teacher.”

It all started at the beginning of the pandemic that most of my friends had time to engage in truth-seeking conversations, so I started experimenting with the techniques and wisdom I have gained during my 10 year journey of self exploration. I just had to provide the space for them, keep the light on while guiding them to see their own reflection in it. We are all extraordinary, infinite beings of love. There aren't people who don't have the necessary resources, just situations that are not fruitful and unexploited.

I am beyond grateful for the last 18 months that I had experienced those truth-seeking explorations with more than a hundred individuals. It is such a wonderful journey.

“So whatever your gift, I urge you to be yourself so you can open up your heart space for the people you are privileged to journey with. Offer yourself out the work you’ve already done in becoming who you are, and give of yourself from there.” Mark Nepo

I am also sharing with you a part of an essay written by Marianne Williamson, which accurately portrays my understanding of The inner experience of truth.

Today I take a stand for truth, as I extend my perceptions beyond what my physical senses reveal to me, to what I know to be true in my heart. I commit to the realization that only love is real, and I recognize the illusory nature of anything else. This way I gain the power of the miracle, the power of conviction, as my mind becomes a conduit for the power by which only love prevails. No matter what situation I am in today, I will remember that only love is real.